Fear, Perfectionism. A Saturday Afternoon In My Kitchen.

imperfection

I was thinking. Just considering. You know when you take a step back, and just look at yourself, trying as best as you possibly can, to do it wholeheartedly, without bias and the rose tints. Well, I was doing that. I wasn’t getting much back from it, no epiphany, no fantastic insight, no next great step.

So I just decided to have a cup of coffee. Black coffee.

I boiled the kettle, measured out 3 teaspoons of Nescafe, waited for the inevitable click and poured the water. I sipped once and just stood there. Peering, no, actually staring, I was staring at nothing. I sipped again, and again, and again.

For some strange reason, the next sips came with steps. I walked up the staircase and found myself in my home office. I sat down. Looking at the empty monitors. “Youtube.com” I thought. So, I typed it in. “Let’s find something interesting to watch”. Some recommendations popped up, a few documentaries, an Avengers Endgame, “Easter Eggs you missed” video. Naturally, with the mood I was in – reflective, meditative and ponderous I clicked the Avengers video.

30 seconds in. I turned it off. Went into my OneNote, and clicked into my writing notebook, and started looking at my writing drafts. I was surprised. Very surprised. Roughly 40 started but never “finished” pieces of writing. Varying from short fictional & non-fictional stories, longer extended essays, how-to’s and tips and tricks – you name it. They were there. Just sat there. Never “finished”.

I read a few. Hmm… Some were crap, some were good, they made me laugh, ponder and reflect. “Why did i never hit publish”, I wondered aloud. Perfectionist? Fearful? Wait, I retorted to myself. “Aren’t those two things just interchangeable?” Maybe they are for writing.

Then. All of a sudden, I moved into autopilot. WordPress.com, drafts – and I just started writing. I wrote this.

Then I told myself. Publish these drafts. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

Advertisements

Blocks – This Just Can’t Be Me?

"If I stare and look really sad, then I'll think of something to write"
“If I stare and look really sad, then I’ll think of something to write”

Think about everything that on the inside,  you know you have to write about, do something about, say something about. Then just leave it. Forget about it, and keep moving … Is that the right thing to do?   Continue reading “Blocks – This Just Can’t Be Me?”

Some People Think You Stink.

Face it. No matter what, not everyone wants to listen you… Continue reading “Some People Think You Stink.”

At Last! I’ve Finally Got An Outlet.

I’ve realised. I always have something to say.

If I’m not saying something, it’s extremely likely that I’m thinking an essay, but have decided not to say anything.

My friends (and foes) are probably bored (or not) with my incessant… Continue reading “At Last! I’ve Finally Got An Outlet.”