Fear, Perfectionism. A Saturday Afternoon In My Kitchen.

imperfection

I was thinking. Just considering. You know when you take a step back, and just look at yourself, trying as best as you possibly can, to do it wholeheartedly, without bias and the rose tints. Well, I was doing that. I wasn’t getting much back from it, no epiphany, no fantastic insight, no next great step.

So I just decided to have a cup of coffee. Black coffee.

I boiled the kettle, measured out 3 teaspoons of Nescafe, waited for the inevitable click and poured the water. I sipped once and just stood there. Peering, no, actually staring, I was staring at nothing. I sipped again, and again, and again.

For some strange reason, the next sips came with steps. I walked up the staircase and found myself in my home office. I sat down. Looking at the empty monitors. “Youtube.com” I thought. So, I typed it in. “Let’s find something interesting to watch”. Some recommendations popped up, a few documentaries, an Avengers Endgame, “Easter Eggs you missed” video. Naturally, with the mood I was in – reflective, meditative and ponderous I clicked the Avengers video.

30 seconds in. I turned it off. Went into my OneNote, and clicked into my writing notebook, and started looking at my writing drafts. I was surprised. Very surprised. Roughly 40 started but never “finished” pieces of writing. Varying from short fictional & non-fictional stories, longer extended essays, how-to’s and tips and tricks – you name it. They were there. Just sat there. Never “finished”.

I read a few. Hmm… Some were crap, some were good, they made me laugh, ponder and reflect. “Why did i never hit publish”, I wondered aloud. Perfectionist? Fearful? Wait, I retorted to myself. “Aren’t those two things just interchangeable?” Maybe they are for writing.

Then. All of a sudden, I moved into autopilot. WordPress.com, drafts – and I just started writing. I wrote this.

Then I told myself. Publish these drafts. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

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Screaming In Closed Spaces

HELP!” A female voice pierced the atmosphere. A shout. A massive shout!

My eyes and head immediately looked up and to my right. Then, a furious hand clap followed, accompanied with another, “Help!”

A few people stood up. I noticed my heart beat quicken, followed by a brief rush of adrenaline. What is happening, what is going on.

Suddenly. A young lady bounded down the aisle. “I’m a doctor,” she confidently proclaimed.

Ok.

I felt the collective inaudible sigh of relief from everyone else.

This isn’t what you want to be happening, in the middle of your transatlantic Virgin Airlines flight.

Normality resumed

Apparently someone was having a seizure.

A lady on my right looked over.

“Exactly what you don’t want to hear in the middle of a flight,” she said, still obviously shaken up. I gave her a reassuring smile. You know, one of those, I’m here for you smiles. I think it helped.

“I know right” I replied.

Going through traumatic, tough experiences together accelerates bonding.

Ask the cast of Love Island.

So I’m glad I was there for her.

The woman who had the seizure was fine.

Everyone went back to sleeping, reading, drinking and eating.

Me. I wrote this, and pondered the main thought I had as the situation unfolded.

If I go to the next life now, that’s disappointing. There’s still more to experience, more to see, more to do, and more to give.

But I’m at peace. I go and see my maker.

Blocks – This Just Can’t Be Me?

"If I stare and look really sad, then I'll think of something to write"
“If I stare and look really sad, then I’ll think of something to write”

Think about everything that on the inside,  you know you have to write about, do something about, say something about. Then just leave it. Forget about it, and keep moving … Is that the right thing to do?   Continue reading “Blocks – This Just Can’t Be Me?”

Let Them Borrow It

1 Corinthians 13:13
1 Corinthians 13:13

We’ve all had times when we feel down & out.

Maybe it’s happening right now. Maybe it was yesterday. Maybe (I hope not) it will be tomorrow.

But I’ve discovered something amazing. Something that brings an immediate emotional turnaround. Continue reading “Let Them Borrow It”

Deceit. Lies. Football.

http://stanford-gibson.blogspot.com/2010/12/altruism-paradox-surprising-confluence.html
‘They lied! Doughnuts don’t make you fat..’

As I watched Arsenal FC bore me (again), with their much heralded one dimensional, frankly rubbish style of football. I realised something important….

Not just that Arsenal are a completely spent force, but something about our own personal lives. You see… Continue reading “Deceit. Lies. Football.”

The Silence is Golden

Silence is golden by eReSaW on deviantART

I’ve been driving for 2 hours now. Just me, myself & I.

Not a word has been spoken. Not from the radio, not from my phone. Not from a song or CD. Nothing.

It’s just ‘The Silence’.

News flash. The world is too Continue reading “The Silence is Golden”

Why Robin Van Persie Is Dead to Me

The blog title could have actually read:

  1. 10 Reasons why Robin Van Persie is a Muppet.
  2. 100 Reasons why footballers should never EVER kiss the badge.
  3. 5,000 Reasons why if Karma exists his knees WILL break Continue reading “Why Robin Van Persie Is Dead to Me”

You Need to Get Some Grey Hairs

Like the excited child who sticks up his hand for every question, or the person who everyone knows Continue reading “You Need to Get Some Grey Hairs”

Some People Think You Stink.

Face it. No matter what, not everyone wants to listen you… Continue reading “Some People Think You Stink.”

I Steal My Friends Stuff

It’s Tuesday evening and I’m literally laughing out loud… Why? Continue reading “I Steal My Friends Stuff”